At first, I was overjoyed at the fact that we would be staying in KC where our kids can grow up with their grandparents. And then it hit me; this is the rest of my life, my career, something that I will do forever. Did I really want to be an FP? I guess that I should give a little background into my interview season and rank list...
At the beginning of this year when it was time to apply for residency I had a really hard time deciding on what I wanted to do. People would ask me: "which rotations did you enjoy the most?" or "what type of lifestyle do you want?" The truth was that I liked almost all of my rotations & lifestyle is not something that I have ever given much thought to since I have really never had a "life." Between skating, medical school & raising twins, I really had no idea what a life-style was. I talked to everyone I knew about different specialties & I got a million different opinions. In the end I knew 4 things:
1. I hated radiology, neonatology, and geriatrics
2. My family, husband, and kids would be crushed if we had to relocate to a different state
3. I didn't have the scores to become a dermatologist, otolaryngologist, or orthopedic surgeon
4. Nobody that I talked to was 100% satisfied with their career, and 80% of them were not doing what they had originally applied to do
So, with those 4 things in mind I filled out my ERAS and applied to:
- The top 4 specialties I enjoyed the most (Surgery, OB/GYN, Otolaryngology, Family medicine)
- Programs that were located within driving distance of the grandparents
- a few out of state programs where my husband was okay to relocate to, but ONLY IF WE HAD TO
- some way out of reach programs like Bringham, and Yale (just for kicks, since you pay a flat fee for 10 programs per specialty)
****a little aside here for anyone who might be reading this post: First off, I am being completely honest here & I hope it won't be held against me; I realize that most people do not speak of their rank list and such, but I really want to remember this stuff later & I want to share it with other med students who might feel the same way that I do. I think that brutal honesty is the best policy & I wish that everyone would be this honest & free. I think that if people were truly honest about who they are & what they think the world would be a much happier place. (people always think that the grass is greener on the other side, but I have noticed that a lot of the grass that we are looking out is planted in BS! - if we knew the truth about some of the people who we envy, we would like our own lives much more)... Secondly, Most students do not have the same priorities that I had when they are going through the match process, so do not view my experience as the norm!*****
Now, on with the story: A few weeks after the applications went out I started getting interviews. I also had a strange mix up with some of my rotations & ended up doing a rotation in Plastic Surgery, a specialty that I had never considered applying to. The only times I had ever even thought about plastics were when I looked in the mirror, or when I watched Nip' Tuck. Within the first 3 days of the rotation, I was madly in love with the specialty. It wasn't all about skinny girls, who wanted bigger boobs or thinner thighs; it was about making the abnormal normal again. We put peoples fingers back on, we removed a cancer that took up over 1/2 of a mans lower lip & made it so that he would be able to move his mouth somewhat normally; we removed 10lbs of breast tissue off of a woman who could barely stand up, we helped women who had lost their breasts due to cancer feel whole again....& we did so much more! I LOVED working with my hands, I loved the instant gratification of being able to actually SEE the results of the work that I had done. I loved the fact that the surgeries were long & focused on detail; every little stitch had to be just right! So, I went home & applied to one more specialty. I knew it was a long shot, since there are only around 110 spots in integrated plastic surgery programs & only the top students are selected for a position, but I had to try. I also had to try to move the rest of my rotations around so that I could spend more time doing plastics before I graduated (in case I never got to do it again). I contacted my school & began moving things around ASAP. Unfortunately, I was unable to get a rotation at KU for their plastics program, after applying 3x.
A few days later I was scrubbing in for a case & met a bubbly little blonde girl at the scrub station. She introduced herself & told me that she was a resident in the KU plastics program! I told her how much I loved plastics & she helped me get a 2 week rotation at KUMC! I was super excited & while I was there they actually offered me an interview. Again, I knew it was a long shot, since the other applicants were at the top of their class, some with 20+ publications, multiple oral/poster presentations, went to Ivy League schools, & some even had patents! I only had 2 publications, 3 presentations, & I will not be graduation at the top of my class. I still had to try. I might add that there are 2 ways to become a plastic surgeon: 1. through the integrated plastic surgery programs; 2. by doing a traditional general surgery residency + a plastic surgery fellowship.
So, interview season progressed & I interviewed for some wonderful programs. I decided to put 10 of them on my rank list. It was easy to decide what to put #1, the long shot of course, but I had no idea what I should put from 2-10. I loved surgery & working with my hands & the program at UMKC felt like home to me; I loved the Cleveland Clinic & Creighton; OB/GYN was surgical & delivering babies is such a joy, but above all I LOVE my family & my kids & I cannot imagine making them unhappy.
So, I typed up a list for my family that included:
So, I typed up a list for my family that included:
- the program name, location, specialty
- average work hours for the program (surgery 80 hrs/wk, non-surgery 60-70)
- length of residency (plastics 6 or 8 yrs, general surgery 5, OB/GYN 4, FP 3)
Then I did what would shock almost very medical student, program director, & physician on the planet; I asked them to rank the programs from 1-10 & I had my sister add all of the numbers together & average them. Then I logged on to NRMP, entered the programs in the order created by the averages & hit submit. Since I am being totally honest here, I will go so far as to share how the top 5 came out:
- KUMC Plastics
- Truman Medical Center General Surgery - Categorical
- Truman Medical Center OB/GYN
- Cleveland Clinic General Surgery - Categorical
- Truman Medical Center Family Medicine
The rest of the programs were either out of the area, or preliminary programs (1 year only, w/o a guaranteed position after that year). I was very satisfied with that list. To me, it was sort of like an arranged marriage, since it was picked by the people who know me the best & who have my best interest at heart. I have read many times that arranged marriages have the best outcomes & lowest divorce rates, so I thought that my rank list made logical sense. I would do it the same way, if I had to do it all over again!
So, why was I so stunned when I opened the email? Why did I have so many mixed emotions? I can't entirely explain any of this, all I can do is try to explain what I have been feeling since I opened that email & continue to work through the fact that this one email will guide the rest of my medical career. As I said before, I was overjoyed to be staying in KC, I was also very happy that I would be training in such a wonderful program where I some of my closest friends are training. The rush of thoughts that entered my mind after I posted my placement on Facebook, went a little something like this: "oh my goodness, I will never operate....I will not be spending my days in an OR...FP is really difficult, you have to know about every single disease & every age group....am I smart enough to do this....is this what I am suppose to do?" And then, the tears came. I don't know why I cried; most of the people in my class were on their way to go celebrate; or were they?
Since that day I have spoken to many of my classmates & it is true that a good percentage of them were rushing off the party the minute they got the email, however, I have found that there are quite a few of them who have been feeling similarly to the way that I do. Some of them found out that they would not be able to live in the city where their family is, some wouldn't be doing the specialty they desired, & some didn't match at all. I have also spent many hours trying to understand my own feelings about the match & my placement. Unfortunately, I am still not sure why I am not as overjoyed as I should be & why I have so much uncertainty about my future. However, I have recently found out who the other members of my residency class will be & I am SO HAPPY to be a part of such an amazing group & I am also thrilled with the fact that I will be able to spend more time with my kids than I would be able to if I were doing a surgical residency. Other than that, I am still not sure what to think. I have decided to focus on the fact that in a few short months I will be a doctor & I will no longer be collecting student loan debt! With that in mind, I think I will go start planning a graduation party!!!
*Anyone else have any thoughts about the whole match process? Does it work? Is there a better way? What percentage of applicants are happy with their results? Anyone else want to share their experience with the match or with finding their specialty?
***Again, I do hope that this post is not taken out of context in any way! I am not unhappy about my placement, I think that family medicine is an amazing field & I am sure that I will enjoy every minute of my training. I just wanted to document an honest history of how I became the family practitioner that I will be someday!***
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